RECENT poor quality science fiction films were created to make the new Star Wars seem incredible, it has emerged.
The multi-million dollar disappointments were financed and doctored by Disney to dramatically lower viewers’ expectations of anything with spaceships or robots in ahead of December’s Star Wars: Episode VII.
Producer Tom Logan said: “The intelligent, visually impressive sci-fi movies of the last decade, like Inception and Looper, have raised the bar so high that Star Wars films look like a five-year-old repeatedly bashing his action figures together.
“So we stepped in and redesigned the robot in Interstellar to be a mess of hinged dominos, recut Jupiter Ascending to resemble the fevered dream of a dog in Disneyworld, and swapped the script for Chappie for an unused draft of Short Circuit 3: Johnny 5 Rave Party.
“We haven’t done anything with the new Terminator film. We’re confident they can fuck that up on their own.”
Film reviewer Joseph Turner said: “It’s classic marketing, and very similar to the original Star Wars campaign where they financed pretentious, artsy sci-fi movies like Zardoz and The Man Who Fell To Earth.
“If they hadn’t been around to make audiences crave simple, shooty-gun space opera, there’s a real danger they would have recognised Star Wars for the lengthy pseudo-mystical toy advert that it really is.”