NEXT week’s Question Time will see the first appearance by a gerbil on the BBC’s flagship political debate programme.
Following the corporation’s decision to ban human adults who have the faintest idea what they are talking about, the gerbil will be joined by a two day-old baby, a half-size cut-out of Manchester United star Rio Ferdinand, a one litre bottle of San Pelegrino and some leaves.
Topics are expected to include sunflower seeds, where your mummy is and whether a gently carbonated bottle of mineral water would have scrapped the RAF Nimrods.
A spokesman said: “We want to get the leaves on next week as after that they are due to be used for mulch.
“The gerbil has some interesting things to say about deficit reduction when he is not scampering across the floor in a bid to escape from the giant creatures who keep picking him up and putting make up on him.”
He added: “The baby was born on Wednesday so by next Thursday it will actually be eight days-old, so it’ll be interesting to see if shitting itself and being sick for a week has affected its views on Islamic fundamentalism.”