THE producers of Star Wars Episode 7 have discovered too late that Britain is a nation of Yoda impersonators.
Disney executives are holding open auditions across the UK, which have been besieged by the 94% of the population that can do a serviceable Yoda voice.
A Disney spokesman said: “We’re looking for talent here, and by talent I don’t mean the ability to put on a croaky voice and speaking in deliberately ungrammatical sentences.
“Absolutely anyone can do that.
“Please can all members of the British public who believe their work colleagues find their Yoda impression hilarious go home immediately.
“We’ve told you a dozen times already, and if any more of you try to get in through the windows you’ll be tasered.
“The message is ‘we’ve got a Yoda, just fuck off’.”
36-year-old sales manager Wayne Hayes said: “Heard about audition on radio did I.
“Come down I thought I would, because stay in character as Yoda most of the time do I. I do. Do I. Whatever, the idea you get I think.
“Policeman tell me to leave but punch him several times I did.”