Taylor Swift writing song called 'Hull Lady'

POP superstar Taylor Swift is working on a new song about what a lady from Hull might get up to on a Saturday.

The song details an evening in the company of the eponymous woman as they explore the East Yorkshire city together.

Using the same melody as ‘London Boy’, Swift describes getting a ‘croggie’ – a ride on the handlebars of a pushbike – to the shops before buying 18 cans of cider.

The pair pass a statue commemorating the time John Prescott hit a seagull with his car, before things turn sour in a local pub.

The song continues with the line ‘Then I watch a fight (that she’s in)’ before the chorus opens with ‘I’m intrigued and frightened by a girl from Hull’.

Asked about her creative process, Swift said: “I used the same melody but changed a few of the words around to make sense. For example, instead of ‘Don’t threaten me with a good time’ I changed it to ‘Don’t threaten me with a broken bottle’.”

Swift is remaining tight-lipped about who the song is referring to, insisting she was not scared but just does not feel like saying right now.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

How small is your penis?

PENISES: We all know most of them are not very big, but how small is yours, really? Take this quiz and see how you measure up.

How were your school days?
A) Few formative memories here, some good friends there. Normal stuff.
B) Best years of my life. I regularly try to organise a reunion on Facebook in an attempt to relive the glory days.

What do you drive?
A) Some sort of car. Gets me from A to B. Does it matter?
B) A needlessly loud motorcycle that I gun for a full minute in a suburban cul-de-sac before speeding off into the horizon. Usually at 2am.

Thoughts on eco-protesters?
A) Good on them even if they are annoying, someone’s got to arrest the deadly slide into an overheated Earth.
B) What they do isn’t completely carbon neutral, talk about hypocrites. They’ve all got iPhones. And their parents pay for everything, the spoilt twats.

You’re leading a country through a fraught and complicated political affair. Do you:
A) Reach out for help. This affects everyone, after all.
B) Needlessly jeopardise the lives of society’s most vulnerable people to score a few points with my party members.

Mostly As: It’s either above average or you’re a well-rounded person. Or both. How very nice for you.

Mostly Bs: It’s tiny. Please stop overcompensating with flash gestures and dumb opinions. If it’s getting you down that much order a pump from one of those specialist magazines.