IS your psyche so fragile you need to believe that Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer are in love to get through the day? These things could also work:
Scientists have got a cure for climate change
Just as climate change looked like you might have to shell out a grand for a new boiler, clever boffins have come up with special robots that scoop carbon right out of the atmosphere. Sit back, relax, open a bottle of wine.
Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer are in love
Secretly you’ve always believed actors are actually their characters. How else could they play them so well? So this rumour just confirms you were right, that telly is real, and you can sit and watch it all day for 40 years without missing out on anything.
The young people are wrong
Young people are always claiming that their political beliefs, music or economic plights are worthy of attention. But they’re not, because your generation came up with all the right ideas and the best stuff and nothing has changed.
Kate Moss would enjoy meeting you
She might have been a supermodel for 30 years, but Kate Moss would genuinely enjoy bumping into you at an airport and would stay and chat for 10 minutes, laughing at your jokes, enjoying your company and touching you on the arm. Definitely.
People with your lifestyle live until their 90s
You don’t smoke much, your drinking’s moderate compared to what it used to be, your diet definitely could be worse and you exercise regularly by walking to anywhere you can’t drive to. So you’ll be fit and compos mentis right into your 10th decade for sure.
Tom Hanks would give your car a push
It’s a bit embarrassing that your 22-year-old Vauxhall Vectra won’t start these days, but Tom Hanks wouldn’t mind. The nicest man in Hollywood, passing through Stevenage for work, would put you behind the wheel while he gave it a push to get it going, then pose for a quick selfie.
Boris Johnson is doing his best
The prime minister is working flat-out for the country, apart from brief breaks to sire children and write a Shakespeare book. He’s got an incredible plan for the pandemic and another incredible plan, which meshes with the first one perfectly, for Brexit. It’s all fine.