We've allowed old lady another chance, Gen Z generously confirm

YOUNG people have kindly given nice old lady Sophie Ellis-Bextor another chance at pop success.

Today’s teenagers have credited themselves with re-popularising the elderly singer who no one would otherwise have heard of.

Ellie Shaw, 15, said: “As a music connoisseur it’s my duty to search out obscure artists and share them with the world. How else would anyone have found out about Murder on the Dancefloor?

“Unlike my parents, I don’t just mindlessly listen to whatever manufactured bands the radio tells them to, like Massive Attack or the Clash. I’m constantly checking my TikTok feed for challenging new acts the algorithm already knows I’ll like.

“It’s a shame niche artists like Sophie get overlooked, but until now there was just no way of her connecting with a mainstream audience. She’s really old too, so there won’t be loads of men watching her on TV even if they don’t give a shit about the music.

“It reminds me of those talent shows where they let a granny do a song before she’s too senile. I’d love to see Sophie’s wrinkled face when one of her grandchildren tell her she’s on the radio.

“We did the same thing for Kate Bush recently too. I hope she looks back on her five minutes of fame fondly. Although she’s probably dead by now.”

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Public demands Toby Jones be knighted instead of that real bloke

THE public has demanded a knighthood for Toby Jones, hero of ITV’s Mr Bates vs The Post Office, rather than the real Mr Bates the show was based on.

Suggestions that Alan Bates, who led the campaign which exposed the widespread miscarriage of justice, should be knighted have seen the public demand that any honour should go to the real hero.

Tom Logan of Lincoln said: “This johnny-come-lately Mr Bates who’s claiming all the credit? He didn’t even write the screenplay.

“At best he did a bit of stuff the screenplay was based on. But if we’re being honest most of the work there was done by Fujitsu and the Post Office, because there’s no show without wrongful convictions.

“And while Mr Bates has been messing around for years trying to get justice, Toby Jones played the lead in one four-part ITV drama and got action in less than a week. That’s heroism.

“I think he should get a knighthood and also be elevated to the House of Lords. Against his will if necessary.”