YOU only have one life, so why not spend it watching multiple hours of television you hate just to keep the peace? Yawn through these soul-destroyers:
Love Is Blind, Netflix
If remembering your own wedding isn’t traumatic enough, watching singles trying to fall in love without ever seeing each other then deciding at the altar whether to wed will definitely do it. ‘It won’t end well,’ you think while remembering the days when you used to talk to each other.
The Last of Us, Sky
Yet another post-apocalypse drama about the strength of human bonds in the face of terrible adversity. Meanwhile your own human bonds are wilting in the face of nothing more than an onslaught of prestige television, and nobody notices or cares. Especially that useless twat at the other end of the sofa.
Below Deck, Amazon Prime
A reality show based around the antics of young ‘yachties’ crewing luxury yachts. You spend all day working to maintain the lifestyles of the super-rich, albeit at a few removes, and spend your leisure time watching more of the same? Why doesn’t anyone shag of an evening anymore?
How Do They Do It?, Discovery Channel
Having a boyfriend who’s handy around the house is great except when it comes to watching a show about extractor fan assembly and yoghurt production. His constant remarks on the efficiency of mass production will be enough for you to want to shove your yoghurt-filled head into the very fan you’re being bored shitless about.
Ancient Aliens, Sky History
Experts with bizarre names espouse hole-filled theories that aliens kickstarted human civilisation then promptly f**ked off. Your wife not only requires you watch it but demands your scepticism is left in another room, where you’d like to be, rather than in here believing the pyramids were built by aliens but the internet was invented by a British bloke called Tim.
Bundesliga Highlights, Sky Sports
As if there wasn’t enough British football, with only four leagues of it and internationals, you spend the evening catching up on the German top flight. Fantasising every player is David Beckham won’t work as your concentration will be broken by the gutteral chants of the Kraut fans. Only 40 minutes to go before bed, and then work.