THE social system which benefits men has come crashing down as a 15-year-old boy has decided to lacquer his nails with coloured varnish.
Jack Browne has single-handedly ushered a new age of tolerance and equality by painting his fingernails in primary colours, an act usually associated with female appearances.
Browne mumbled: “As soon as the last nail was done I heard the bells ring out. Women poured into the streets and started hugging each other with tears of joy streaming down their faces, all thanks to my one act of gender nonconformity.
“I looked at the news and saw progress on the march. The gender pay gap had vanished, Roe v Wade was once again ruled law by the US Supreme Court, and white van drivers forever renounced cat-calling. Not bad for five minutes work.
“Dad struggled with my revolutionary act, not because he refuses to be an ally, but because he tried a similar stunt during his Adam and the Ants phase and lost his nerve halfway through.
“Mum’s less pleased, because it was her nail varnish, it costs £17 a bottle and I got some on my duvet, but there are always those who progress leaves behind.”
Society was reset to its unjust patriarchal model when Browne met his mates at the skatepark, a girl told him he had ‘done a shit job’ of his nails and he called her ‘a slag’.
