Woman in art gallery just guessing how long to stand in front of each painting

A WOMAN at an art exhibition admitted she does not know how long to stand in front of each picture and is having to guess. 

Francesca Ryan visited an exhibition at Tate Britain but confessed she was unsure if she had looked at a picture long enough or if she had looked at it for too long.

She said: “I mean I’ve seen it pretty much straight away. That’s the thing with eyes. They’re pretty quick.

“I don’t want to seem ignorant by moving on too fast but I don’t want to look like I don’t get it by moving on too soon, so I tried to do two minutes on each but that’s a long time to look at one thing if it’s not a telly.”

She added: “I realised I was subconsciously looking at the bigger pictures for longer and I’m pretty sure that’s not how art works.”

Ryan’s friend Susan Traherne said: “That’s why I always get an audioguide. It blithers on about expressionist brushstrokes or some shit, but it tells you exactly when to move on.”

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20th anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer perfect time to admit it was a load of toss

TWENTY years on from the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, many of its viewers are ready to admit for the first time that it was nothing but toss. 

The show, about a vampire slayer at high school, is finally being recognised as exactly as bad as it initially sounds after two full decades of denial.

Fan Carolyn Ryan, aged 35, said: “I’ve got all the box-sets. I began a rewatch the other day. And… it’s toss, isn’t it? Start to finish.

“A schoolgirl who dresses like a streetwalker stumbling into different monsters every week, most of which are so badly realised they make Doctor Who look like an Attenborough documentary?

“And correct me if I’m wrong but if you’re meant to slay vampires but invariably end up having sex with them, I’m saying you’re shit at the job.

“I was 15 when it started, it’s not my fault. But still, I should have realised how irredeemably bollocks it was at least a decade ago.”

Ryan added: “Yes, even the musical episode.”