THE BEST chip shop in Britain is basically the same as the shittest, it has been confirmed.
A nationwide survey by the Institute for Studies found that chip shops all sell fried fish and chipped potatoes cooked in oil and always serve them in the same excessively large portions.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Anyone who thinks their local chippy is special is clearly deluding themselves.
“We travelled across the UK and visited thousands of chippies. All of them have cod, plaice, sausages, chips, mushy peas and a quiet woman doing the frying who seems to be unusually short.
“In conclusion, we decided that Britain’s best chippy is The Fishy Fryer in Chippenham. Well done.
“It is also Britain’s worst. So raise your game, Fishy Fryer, and sort out those mouse droppings by the freezer.
“Perhaps next week we’ll see which kebab shop is the most talented at adding salad and chilli sauce to meat.”