Build-A-Bear party exposed as child labour

CHILDREN’S Build-A-Bear parties are actually sweatshops, it has emerged. 

Children as young as four are lured into the parties with the promise of fun then forced to sit at long tables in badly-ventilated rooms and stuff soft toys before dressing them in outfits.

Parents are often found to collude in the exploitation so that they can sit on a miniature plastic chair and enjoy a small, lukewarm cup of tea in a polystyrene cup.

An NSPCC spokesman said: “The children aren’t even paid for their work, and if they don’t shell out exorbitant fees to buy the bears they’re shipped off to wealthy families in China.

“Parents must look out for the signs of child labour, like being invited to a party on the promise of ‘juice’.”

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How to decode a smug, end-of-year round robin email

WHO doesn’t love a smug ‘round robin’ message in which friends and relatives tell you how well things are going for their family? But what do they really mean? 

“Jack had a recorder solo in the nativity.” Jack is an attention-seeking little twat who grabbed someone else’s recorder before hitting a sheep with it and storming offstage. We’re in negotiations with the local authority.

“Claire and Pete continue to enjoy their marriage.”  Claire is enjoying the plumber and Pete is spending lots of quality time with his gimp. 

“Gemma’s world travels continue.” Gemma keeps tapping us for money while she gets stoned in Cardiff. 

“Ollie celebrated his graduation from Cambridge.” Ollie got a third in advertising studies from Anglia Ruskin and almost choked on his own spew. 

“Grandma is still very sprightly for her age.” The care home fees are draining the boat fund. We’re beginning to think she’s doing it out of spite, the manipulative old bitch.