Saturday, 8th May 2021

Danny Dyer to join Marvel cinematic universe as himself

DANNY Dyer is to join the Marvel cinematic universe as new Marvel hero Danny Dyer, he has confirmed. 

The Cockney actor, who is currently playing Danny Dyer in EastEnders, will appear in next year’s The Eternals as a Cockney bad boy who smokes, drinks and is not afraid to ‘get a bit tasty’ if anyone threatens his family.

Dyer said: “I’m part of the Marvel crew now, and it’s proper naughty.

“There’s a scene where I take Thor to watch the Hammers, I throw that Scarlet girl a pity shag because her robot fella’s had it, and I plant the nut on Loki.

“I got on it when I interviewed Thanos for Deadliest Men. They tried to find an existing Marvel character for me to play but there’s no-one  – Captain Britain? He’s a twat – so I’m just in it as Danny Dyer.

“Only that soppy boll*cks Spider-man had the minerals to disagree and now his spider senses ain’t the only thing that’s tingling, because I planted the nut on him.”

Marvel Studios boss Kevin Feige said: “Why not. This gravy train’s got to crash at some point.”