CASH-IN-HAND payments are way better than sick pay, pension rights and all that other nonsense, tradesmen have confirmed.
As the government attempts to frame a crackdown on cash payments as ‘protecting workers’, electricians, plumbers and gardeners have replied that thick wedges of money are all the protection they need.
Builder Roy Hobbs said: “It’s true I don’t get holiday pay, but then what do they get? 28 days a year? I spend longer than that in my place in Barbados, and then there’s Disney World to consider.
“Yes, I’m not protected if I have a dispute with an employer, so when it happens I have to cover myself by steal enough materials from him to construct a three-bedroom detached.
“Don’t worry about me and my pension, Theresa love. I’m putting plenty away, and then there’s my properties. Those eight monthly rents will bridge the gap in my old age. Or is it nine?
“And it’s not all about the bottom line. There’s just something marvellous about the freedom of being given £1,250 in notes and knowing you get to keep fucking all of it.”
Hobbs added: “Abolish paper money if you like. I may be 58, but you would not believe how fast I’ll get into bitcoin.”