Corporate drone hates himself for laughing at joke about company

A COMPANY yes-man has been sickened by his hypocrisy for laughing at a joke about his employer, it has emerged.

Junior manager Martin Bishop’s act of corporate disloyalty occurred when co-worker Donna Sheridan mocked the company’s somewhat stingy attitude to office refreshments.

Bishop said: “We got an email saying we have to buy our own teabags and coffee from now on, so Donna said, ‘And you can bring your own toilet paper too, you bloody scroungers!’

“Everybody laughed, including me, but then I felt disgusted with myself for belittling a perfectly reasonable policy to reduce beverage costs and maximise profits in the global marketplace.

“We owe the company so much. I get a salary, a car and people to talk to, which is vital if you don’t have a social life outside work. Plus it’s the only Christmas party I get invited to.

“I don’t know why I laughed. I think it’s because I’m a pathetic toady who likes to fit in at all costs while criticising people behind their backs, so at least I’ve got an excuse.”

Bishop now plans to appease his guilt by working several weekends without pay and writing a very boring article about his department for the company magazine.

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Hodgson ‘extremely disappointed’ with England fans for breaking a perfectly good bench

ROY Hodgson has expressed sadness at fan behaviour after his favourite article of furniture was destroyed.

The England manager, whose affinity for communal outdoor seating is well documented, condemned the actions of fans after a useable bench was broken up to fashion makeshift weapons.

Hodgson said: “Everyone knows that a bench is where you keep the best players in a football team. It’s madness to ruin a perfectly good one when it could have been used to accommodate £150,000,000 worth of promising footballers.

“I can’t understand the mentality of people who see a bench and decide to break it. I call our team bench ‘The Twelfth Man’ and sometimes ’Roy’s Boy’.

“To see one destroyed is heartbreaking.”

England fan Joseph Turner said: “If we’d thought about it of course we wouldn’t have broken it. The bench has been a huge part of the careers of some of England’s best players, and it looks like that’s going to continue.

“We meant no disrespect. Next time we will break a cabinet or something.”