Curry houses face shortage of limp salad for you to ignore

CURRY restaurants are facing bankruptcy after a lettuce shortage means they have no limp salads for diners to disregard. 

Across Britain, restauranteurs are wondering whether to even open their doors knowing that they will not be able to serve drunks with a small bowl of chopped lettuce, onion and tomatoes that they will throw away untouched later.

Tahsan Mahmud, proprietor of the Star of India in Shrewsbury, said: “I know my customers, and I know they will not stand for this.

“They come in at 11.30pm and demand a lamb vindaloo accompanied by several Tiger beers, but they are as aware as I am that the lettuce is key to the whole aesthetic.

“Without that sitting there, ignored, the rogan josh will lose its piquancy, the poppadoms their pop, the bhajis their bite. It’s a crucial reminder of all the traditions of English cuisine that you’re mercifully not having to eat.

“We’re doing our best to make some out of paper, green ink and varnish. But it just doesn’t look as unappetising as the real thing.”

Curry house regular Tom Booker said: “No lettuce? I might be forced to kick off at the waiter. Which I never normally would.”