Employer obeys employment law

BURGER restaurant Byron has been accused of acting in full accordance with UK immigration law. 

The chain has angered customers by co-operating with immigration services, betraying employees who had lied about their identities, just to avoid potentially unlimited fines.

Eleanor Shaw, who has vowed never to eat in a Byron again, said: “What other laws do they obey? All of them?

“They should have hidden all the employees who weren’t legally allowed to work in an attic behind a secret door until all this immigration business blows over.

“Instead they sold out, choosing their future as a viable business over dozens of staff who weren’t legally able to work.

“If the whole chain had been shut down in a nationwide immigration investigation, with prison sentences and the loss of 1,500 jobs, I for one would have been proud.”

Shaw added: “I shall be going to a rival chain this weekend, and I shall ask for my burger to be cooked by an undocumented worker on less than the minimum wage. In solidarity.”

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‘Hillary should’ve smiled more,’ says voter choosing between her or a deranged murder clown

HILLARY Clinton should have smiled more during her speech, according to a man who may now vote for a demented orange clown instead. 

US voter Joe Turner believes that Clinton should have tried harder to connect emotionally with the nation she is attempting to save from total collapse under a megalomaniac reality TV star incapable of understanding facts.

He continued: “I agreed with every word she said on policy and there’s no doubt she’s got the experience, but the warmth wasn’t there so I’m still considering my alternatives.

“On the one hand, Donald Trump has a record of bankruptcy, would nuke Iran in a fit of pique and his eyes seem to be screaming ‘Let me out! This is a mistake!’, but on the other Hillary seems a bit stern at times.

“I might go for the unhinged tangerine-coloured candidate with cotton candy hair who lies about being a billionaire instead. Sorry Hillary. You had your chance.”

Turner last influenced a US election in 2000, when he voted for a Harvard-educated recovering alcoholic because he would be a great guy to go for a beer with.