Baby named after Pokemon sure to have a great life

A BABY girl named Eevee after a Pokemon Go character will do incredibly well in life, scientists believe.

Parents Leanne and Wayne Hayes, who chose to call their first child after a rabbit-eared fennec in a game they have been playing for two weeks, have actually given their daughter a significant advantage over her peers.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Whether your child is called Khaleesi, Bella Swan or Whaazaaaaap!?, studies show that children named after fads achieve grades far higher than average.

“The many 11-year-olds called Crazy Frog are outperforming all their contemporaries on SATs, Cambridge University is expecting a record influx of Cartmans, Furbys and Mmm-Bops this year, and 22-year-old biotechnologist MTV Unplugged Unwin is revolutionising the field.

“The Pidgeys and Squirtles of today will lead nations, solve the climate crisis, and set foot on Mars for the first time. Salute them.”

Proud mother Leanne Hayes said: “Eevee’s a lovely name, that’s all.

“Though we’re calling her by her nickname, Sparky, so she’ll evolve into a Jolteon.”

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Please, please stop us drinking beer in airports at 6am, say Britons

BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed. 

Proposals to review alcohol sales in airports have been welcomed by millions who drank a Guinness alongside their full English breakfast and hated every mouthful.

Stephen Malley of Mansfield said: “I got up at 3am, had the cases in the car by quarter past, checked in at half-four and by 5.15am I was staring at a pint of Fosters as if it was a good idea.

“It was wrong, it was disgusting, and for the first four days in Malaga I had to switch to spirits, but I’d do it again because that’s what British people do in an airport at dawn.

“Whole stag parties were there, pints lined up, sipping and wincing. Even business travellers had no option but to heed the call of the open bar.

“I choked back that pint of Fosters. I ordered another. I had no choice. I was going on holiday.

“Please. End this.”