Facebook to introduce 600 new variants on ‘Like’

FACEBOOK has announced that it is trialling more than 600 new ways to express mild approval for a thing.

The buttons, which will appear below every single post, allow users a much greater range of responses to their friends’ pathetic thinly-veiled boasts. 

The new buttons include: 

Genuinely Like

This User Had The Perfect Liking Response To Your Facebook Post

Wait, Am I Giving Consumer Feedback Now?

Like Facebook More Than Twitter

Would Like Facebook To Be My Only Portal To The Web, This Is Legally Binding

Like Mark Zuckerberg And Every Aspect Of His Weird Lifestyle

Like As A Friend

Don’t Really Like As A Friend But Am Trying To Avoid Scene

Dutifully Like Photo Of Your Children

Deeply In Love With, But Will Never Give Any More Indication Than This

Do You Really Like It, Is It Is It Wicked (We’re Loving It Loving It Loving It, We’re Loving It Like That)

Who Even Are You And Your New Baby, Really Must Get Round To Unfriending Some People, But For Now Like I Suppose

A spokesman said: “We see Facebook as a vehicle for a wide variety of self-expression, within the context of a massive superficial hive-mind.”

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Airbnb 'best way to have sex in a stranger's house'

AIRBNB has been confirmed as the best and most legal way couples can have sex in a stranger’s house.

The website, which allows people to rent a property that is always 20 per cent less nice than it looked in the pictures, beat off competition from a work colleague’s house party and show homes when the estate agent has to use the bathroom.

Sexual intercourse fan Donna Sheridan said: “In the past we had to break into a neighbour’s place when we wanted to have sex in an unknown house. But with Airbnb we can just book it online and then be at it in an hour.

“I find being surrounded by a stranger’s collection of mediocre spy paperbacks and framed photos of them up a mountain on some sort of trek very arousing.”

Airbnb user Martin Bishop said: “When I stay in an Airbnb I have to have sex on every available surface, like an animal marking its territory.

“The worst bit is meeting the host, and they’re helpfully showing you where the local museums and nice restaurants are on a little map but you just want them to go so you can start rutting like a beast.”