‘Getting your name out there’ to become legal tender

ANYONE asked to undertake unpaid work can exchange Facebook ‘likes’ for food under a new government initiative.

A pilot scheme in East London saw unsalaried journalists, musicians and designers queueing to exchange retweets and post-comments-generated for biscuits, coffee and beer.

Tom Logan, who writes a cross-platform football column for a massive global media company said, “For the last year I have donated my services for free to ‘prove my commitment to the project going forward’. Consequently I lost rather too much weight.

“Swapping twenty-five Twitter followers for a bacon sandwich gives me the calorific intake needed to keep working for an employer who in the current economic climate can’t afford to pay me, except by letting me showcase my work.”

Music blogger Helen Archer exchanged the 257 replies to her comment that Kate Bush is a goddess for toilet rolls and cat food.

She said: “In the social media age it is all about exposure. Unfortunately shops, power companies and the like are still hanging on to the old money-based way of doing things.

“I tried to pay my gas bill with a guarantee of 25 Facebook shares, but the woman at SSE just stared at me as if I was some sort of charlatan.”

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Argentine Top Gear leaves trail of destruction


ARGENTINIAN motoring show Marcha Mas has left outrage in its wake on a trip to the UK.

‘The Capybara’ was seen harassing a bulldog

Presenters Javier Cacares, Jesus Martinez and Ramiro “The Capybara” Ramos have been accused of rudeness, wanton damage, and driving an Austin Allegro with the deliberately provocative registration HND 0F GD.

Cacares, wearing his characteristic denim jacket and pinstriped suit trousers, said: “We find the English hilarious.

“Your tiny cocks, your slow careful driving, your stupid stocky dogs that cannot clean their own backsides.

“We have sped through your country, driving on the right as it should be done, high on the cocaine that is perfectly legal here.

“Our audience will love seeing us struggle to get over rough, broken terrain like the M1, stopping for a barbecue during torrential rain as is your country’s risible custom.”

Martinez, known as Capitan Lento to fans, also faces criticism for driving a bulldozer into a thatched cottage which he rejects because the only people hurt were unimportant foreigners.

The Marcha Mas crew will be followed by teams from the German, Botswanan, Pakistani and Cambodian Top Gears, each filming their own comical travelogue through Britain.