Government asks what else it was meant to do with a f**king stadium

THE government has asked critics of the Olympic stadium deal with West Ham what they would have done with a f**king 80,000-seat stadium. 

Sports minister Tracey Crouch said: “Yes, recouping £15 million of the £323 million conversion cost is a bit shit. We’re aware. We have calculators.

“But I fear that West Ham had us rather over a barrel on this one because it’s not like we could sell it as a call centre or a massive open-air TK Maxx.

“And other football teams, for example Liverpool, Fleetwood Town and fucking Ross fucking County FC found the north London location rather inconvenient for them.

“Perhaps we should have left it as a habitat for the grey heron, maybe they could have scraped together £500 million from selling their eggs or something.”

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Ask Holly: Why am I such a miserable git?

Dear Holly,

Why am I such a miserable git?



Dear Jose,

Happiness comes from sweets and things made of plastic and sparkly items you see in the adverts on Channel 5. All you need to do is get a job which pays you about £21.99 a week. If you are too young to work, ask your mum and dad every half an hour for several days to give you the money and then you can get some wine gums, a Sherbet Dip Dab, some Shopkins and a Barbie and you will be happy for at least five minutes. 

Hope that helps,