ONCE-COOKED chips are perfectly fine, it has been confirmed.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies decided to forego the now-standard ‘triple-cooking’ of chips and found that potatoes only need to be fried once to produce the desired result.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “If you slice potatoes and fry them a single time, you get chips. Perfectly delicious chips.
“I have no idea why you’d do it twice more, unless you are some sort of imbecile.”
Professory Brubaker confirmed that even if you were deep-frying a horse you would only need to do it once.
He added: “Get oil, make hot, put thing in oil, take thing out, eat thing.
“If Heston Blumenthal told you to punch yourself in the ear would you do that too?”