FANCY earning a bit of cash on the side by flogging some of your old stuff on eBay? Here’s how to give yourself an incredibly badly paid full-time job.
Choose your wares
One man’s cassette of U2’s The Joshua Tree is another man’s treasure, as the old saying goes, so spend hours laboriously adding all of your old crap to eBay. None of it will sell for more than a penny, but at least you’ll feel like you’ve achieved something.
Take great photos
Invest in an expensive camera to take pictures of that jumper you bought in a charity shop in 2011, immediately negating any money you may make. Next, spend several hours trying to figure out how to rotate them 90 degrees before giving up and uploading them anyway.
Write needlessly long descriptions
Most eBay product descriptions give much more information than is necessary. Make it clear that you live in a smoke-free, pet-free, child-free, fun-free house and get incredibly detailed about how your copy of The Da Vinci Code is in excellent condition apart from a small stain on page 468 where you got too excited when reading it with a cup of coffee.
Check your page constantly
Want to waste masses of time you could spend doing something fun or productive? Spend hours every day checking your items for sale, agonising over whether that pair of grubby, well-worn trainers is ever going to creep above 99p.
Send it off
Now your useless piece of junk has sold for £1.57 it’s time to spend over that amount on a jiffy bag and some parcel tape to wrap it up securely. Waste further time by standing in the queue at the post office feeling miserable for half an hour. Congratulations: you are now a successful eBay seller.