Monday, 8th March 2021

Romantic meal ruined by annoying life-partner

A WOMAN’S romantic evening meal has been ruined by the presence of her prick of a boyfriend.

Emma Bradford went to the trouble of making confit duck and lighting candles, only to have to share her table with the tedious man who has not been out of her sight for 10 months.

Bradford said: “I thought a date night would be fun, given how difficult things are at the moment, but unfortunately the only person I was able to invite was my boyfriend Nathan.

“I was hoping for an evening of fizzing sexual tension and instead I got to hear his anecdote about the time his friend Steve threw up in a Vauxhall Astra whilst getting a hand shandy for the millionth time.

“Also he spits food everywhere when he talks. I’ve somehow filtered it out on a day-to-day basis but it’s disgusting. If this was a real date, I’d leg it while he was in the toilet.

“Unfortunately, we’ve got a mortgage together so it’s not an option. Still, at least we’ve been together long enough that he knows there’s no chance of any sex tonight.”