BRITISH landlords have demanded their powers over tenants be extended to life and death.
Currently landlords can kill tenants by providing them with accommodation aggressively hostile to life, but this still allows many tenants to escape leaving behind nothing but their deposits.
Norman Steele of the National Bastard Landlords Association said: “Eviction can take a couple of painful months and killing is instant, freeing up living space and helping the economy.
“These outdated laws are punishing buy-to-let landlords. And the laws about not allowing hidden cameras need to go while we’re at it.”
Renter Joanna Kramer said: “I asked my landlord to fix the stairs, which haven’t been there since June, and she came at me with a knife screaming ‘Die, scum parasite.’
“I probably won’t tell her about the thing in the toilet.”