A MAN is getting constant, eager updates from a delivery company advising him on the precise whereabouts of his parcel.
Tom Booker has received a series of thoughtful text messages advising him variously that his parcel has left the depot, will be delivered in 0.3 hours and his driver Frank is a Gemini.
Booker said: “What happened to the old way, when you waited for nine days not knowing where your parcel was, then got a card through the door saying it was languishing in a returns depot on the outskirts of Derby?
“Now you receive endless texts detailing every step of your parcel’s journey, from the moment it’s picked from the shelf in the warehouse to the point where the driver stops for a piss in a lay-by and a sandwich. Frank had cheese and pickle, apparently.
“I felt like I’d developed an intimate relationship with Frank and worried about whether I should greet him formally when he arrived or hug him like an old friend.
“Sadly I didn’t see him when he got here because I was on the phone. And now I miss his constant attentive updates and feel bereft.
“All this for five pairs of socks. I’ll get them from Tesco next time. It’ll be less emotionally draining.”