MOST genuine Eastenders have been displaced by coffee outlets and tech startups. So how has Cockney rhyming slang changed?
Dog and Bone
Original: Telephone Gentrified: Smartphone
East London is teeming with twats clutching the latest trendy smartphone. Landlines are – as a displaced Cockney might say – brown bread.
Duke of Kent
Original: Rent Gentrified: Buy-to-let rent
Maximising your income streams through renting out the second home your parents bought for you is crucial for any self-respecting London dweller.
Jam jar
Original: Car Gentrified: Hybrid electric car
Seeing as you pay around £20,000 per annum for on-street parking, you may as well flaunt your financial and moral superiority with an electric car.
Clever Mike
Original: Bike Gentrified: Brompton Bike
All bicycles should cost north of £1,000, be ‘easily collapsible’ but always give you a nasty pinch, and make you look like a prick when cycling.
Gates of Rome
Original: Home Gentrified: Sicilian holiday home
It’s only a small villa, but it offers such a reliable Plan B when you can’t be bothered to fly out to the Caribbean for your holidays.
Rattle and clank
Original: Bank Gentrified: Blue chip investment bank
You’re going to need somewhere to put all your money once the ethical vegan meal delivery service you started in a Hoxton basement gets floated on the stock market for several million pounds and you become a massive sell-out.
Strange and weird
Original: Beard Gentrified: Obligatory f**king beard
If you are male and live in East London, it’s the law to have a beard. Even though it feels like male facial hair fashion should have moved on by now, it seems that beards are here to stay.
Forsyte Saga
Original: Lager Gentrified: Aga
If you were going to have a drink it would be microbrewery craft ale, but actually what you most aspire to for enjoyment now you’ve made some cash is a move to the country and a ridiculously expensive oven.
