MOBILE phone operators have confirmed they will need more money to achieve their sole aim of bringing the whole world together.
Unlike many giant corporations which exist purely to fuck as much money out of you as possible, the ‘big four’ mobile companies re-dedicated themselves to making everything really groovy and making sure everyone appreciates how totally brilliant and special all their friends are.
A spokesman for the British Association of Making Great Memories said: “The world is one big, lovely playground, set to Devendra Banhardt songs about magical spiders.
“People keep saying to us, ‘hey, you guys are way too chilled out, don’t you even care about making money?’
“But we’re too busy listening to Joanna Newsom in quirky places, while watching children blow bubbles and enjoying spontaneous group hugs with strangers, to worry about materialistic gain.
“Maybe that’s irresponsible, but hey, you can’t put a price on happiness.
“We are hoping to give everyone in the world a lovely cupcake and a balloon, but unfortunately the price of cheerfully coloured cupcake icing has gone up.
“So we are going to increase prices substantially and you are going to pay. Unless you don’t want to high five your friends when you meet up in the park for a game of frisbee that you wish would last forever?
“Just be nice.”