A NEW range of Barbies come in a variety of skin tones, body shapes and crippling self-esteem issues.
The manufacturers unveiled new dolls in tall, petite and curvy varieties, all of which come with a selfie stick so they can continually scrutinise their own perceived shortcomings.
A Mattel spokesman said: “Curvy Barbie wishes she was Tall Barbie, Tall Barbie is envious of Short Barbie, and Short Barbie spends all her time obsessing about her lack of curves.
“And there are three different Kens; Instagram Commenter, Sarcastic Facebook Liker and Twitter Prick.
“Each comes with a little laptop computer and an empty space where his penis would be.”
The Barbies also have a wide range of independent careers for which they are paid less than men for doing the same thing and where their ideas are stolen or ignored.