No-one surprised to discover strange colleague was homeschooled

WORKERS have expressed no surprise that their strange new colleague was educated by his parents.

Staff became curious about Kris Thomas – full name Krishna Birch Apollo Thomas – when he began showing up at different times each day, using the expression ‘my truth’ and discussing moon cycles in meetings.

Deskmate Sally Jones said: “It’s fascinating. He’s never had a TV, he’s travelled all over the world and he calls his parents by their first names.”

However, line manager Nikki Hollis said: “I found him doing yoga in the disabled toilet at 11am this morning – he said he needed to cleanse his flow.

“And he spent four and a half hours on the phone with one customer the other day because he found her story ‘compelling’. Our targets for this month are a shitshow.”

The team was equally unsurprised to discover that their CEO went to boarding school, as he loves rugby, eats meals at the exact same time every day and has a constant, haunted, thousand-yard stare.