Osborne to add 114 lanes to the M6

GEORGE Osborne is to keep adding lanes to the M6 until everyone has money again.

Hark, it is a new dawn...

The chancellor is to announce a major investment in infrastructure that will make the 232 mile motorway between Rugby and Gretna Britain’s ‘main thing’ from now on.

He said: “Adding 114 lanes to the M6 will become our great national project and everyone will be able to take part in it. PR firms and marketing agencies will be able to represent different lanes and flyovers while film makers will be inspired by the great motorway and young, out-of-work poets will sell millions of books by comparing it to something.

“And of course when we put all these people back to work they will once again be able to afford payment protection insurance.

“I thank you.”

The plan will see large swathes of the West Midlands, Lancashire and the Lake District covered in tarmac, but the Treasury stressed that removing huge amounts of habitable space would drive up house prices in the rest of the country and lift millions of people out of negative equity.

Meanwhile experts said the M6 plan was the crucial first step towards creating a cutting edge, 21st century economy based on widening things.

Martin Bishop, chief economist at Madeley Finnegan said: “I suspect that with targeted investment and tax breaks for research in 10 years time hi-tech British workers will be able to widen almost anything.

“Imagine something as simple and everyday as a toothbrush and then imagine it being twice as wide.”

The chancellor insisted the recovery would still be export-led because he will invite lots of Chinese people to come and look at the M6 and then buy chunks of it to take home.

Mr Osborne said: “We will soon return to growth thanks to one gigantic motorway and Pippa Middleton’s impending book deal.”