Ryanair 'a totally acceptable casualty of Brexit'

MOST people would be prepared to live in abject poverty if it was guaranteed that Ryanair would go down with them, it has emerged.

With bosses voicing concerns about the impact of a no deal Brexit on the airline, the public say they are fully prepared to crash out of the EU if it means they never have to look at Ryanair’s vile yellow and blue livery ever again.

IT consultant Stephen Malley said: “I travel to Europe a lot for work, so Brexit is going to make my job either a total nightmare or non-existent. However, I will live in a hut and eat grass with pleasure if it also stops Ryanair from being inflicted on humanity.

“I’d be happy for an ‘affordable holiday’ to mean a trip to scavenge in the bins of a slightly further away branch of Tesco after Brexit happens if that fucking bugle sound they play every time a plane lands is silenced forever.

“And if it means I never again have to travel with a stranger basically sitting on my knee because we’ve been crammed in like cattle then I am all for it.

“A no-deal Brexit will be comfortable and convenient by comparison.”

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Couple on date night can't wait to get home, jump into bed and get on their phones

A COUPLE on date night cannot wait to finish their meal, get home, go straight up to the bedroom and have a good, long phone browsing session. 

Tom Logan and Helen Archer, who have been in a relationship for three years, admitted the anticipation will make the eventual moment when their fingers are all over their touchscreens all the sweeter.

Archer said: “All the way through our creme bruleé I couldn’t think about anything else but what might have been posted on Facebook. And I know he was the same.

“You could have cut the tension in the taxi home with a knife. My hands were trembling.

“We might have been together for a while, but the passion’s still there. We had our phones out before we even got to the bedroom. We didn’t say a word to each other. We didn’t need to.”

Logan said: “We’re not afraid to experiment, either. Sometimes she likes to browse on my iPad and I’ve got no problem with that. Once I brought a laptop to bed.

“But for special occasions obviously we put our devices away, get close, and watch a film on our 55” wall-mounted flatscreen TV.”