THE government is calling on shoppers to source more of their pointless, dreadful food from British farmers.
Environment secretary Owen Patterson said there was no need for Britain to import 40% of its fruit and vegetables when there was plenty of tasteless, watery rubbish being mass-produced on your doorstep.
Pointing at a bucket of tomatoes, he added: “It doesn’t matter where these are from, we all know they are going to be absolutely appalling. So why are you pissing your money up a Dutch wall?
“There are some very nice people in this country producing tomatoes in the sort of climate that does not produce good tomatoes. Help them.”
Mr Patterson then took a large bite out of a Welsh mango and burst into tears.