Sports Direct staff ‘were told outside world would kill them’

EMPLOYEES of Sports Direct were encouraged to believe the outside world was a toxic wasteland in which they would quickly perish.

An investigation by MPs discovered that staff thought low pay and oppressive working conditions were preferable to breathing poisonous air and being preyed on by mutated creatures.

Shop assistant Tom Logan said: “My manager said the ‘Time of Fire’ had destroyed human civilisation, so I felt lucky to be putting trainers on shelves for less than the minimum wage.

“I thought it was odd having to live in the shop, but when I heard about the giant cockroaches that dissolve your legs with acid, I was glad to be sleeping under a carrier bag with a football boot for a pillow.

“The customers going in and out didn’t make me suspicious because I was told they were government scientists who’d left their protective suits in their cars.”

Warehouse worker Nikki Hollis said: “Sports Direct are really strict about toilet breaks, but if I’d been forced to join a tribe of scavengers I’d have to use a radioactive hole.”

A Sports Direct spokesman said: “All our staff have read and agree with the company rules, or perhaps they’d rather take their chances with the mutoids in the Cursed Zone?”