Friday, 4th December 2020

Undertaking driver in rush to get to f**knut convention

A DRIVER who undertook multiple cars on the motorway was in a hurry to get to a convention full of other f**knuts, it has emerged.

Julian Cook, who was on the M1 in his large black Audi, felt he had to ignore the rules of the road to arrive in time for a horrific sales event full of idiots like himself. 

He explained: “It was vital that I swerved from lane to lane, overtaking without warning and neglecting to indicate.

“If I hadn’t, there’s every chance I would have been late for the convention, which is very important to the f**knut community.”

The event, a convention-cum-exhibition for secondhand car dealers near Watford, was a precious opportunity for Cook to catch up with his f**knut business acquaintances. 

Cook said: “I’d been looking forward to hearing Steve wanking on about his property portfolio and Gavin telling me which of the small number of women present he would ‘do’.

“And I’d have kicked myself if I’d missed the after-dinner entertainment by complete f**knuts Laurence Fox and Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown.”