Your boss 'doesn't see what the problem is'

YOUR boss does not understand why your are so angry about a simple plan to make it easier to fire you.

Thousands of business leaders said they thought you wanted them to bribe you with shares before asking you to clear your desk.

Bill McKay, managing director of some PR firm, said: “You’re always complaining about how I earn so much more than you and so, off my own back, I sign up to a plan that has a 50-50 chance of you having slightly more money when I decide that you no longer work here.

“And now you’re being all angry and uncooperative about it. And you wonder why I want to offer you some shares in a PR firm?”

McKay added: “I’m sorry, you think I should give you shares for being good at your job? But if you were good at your job then why would I want to fire you?

“Look ,just take these shares, clear your desk and leave all your work to the people who refused to take shares in exchange for being fired.

“I could hire someone to replace you but instead I’m going to get more work out of fewer people for less money.

“Because that’s the only way you’ll learn.”

The plan was outlined earlier today by chancellor George Osborne as a key element in his vision for a ‘share-owning, unemployed democracy’.

Osborne also announced plans to use benefit caps to drive down the birth-rate ‘because ageing societies are so wonderfully inexpensive’.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Oh, it’s fucked. It’s so fucked.”



Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Defacing Rothko painting more difficult than painting it

THE vandalism of a Mark Rothko painting is incredibly impressive when compared to the painting.

An anonymous attacker scrawled ‘Vladimir Umanets, A Potential Piece of Yellowism’ on the 1958 masterpiece that took Rothko about three minutes.

A spokesman for the Tate Modern, the new home of 2012’s The Rothko Defacement, said: “It is a curious, yet striking statement.

“Rather than just a series of fuzzy rectangles.”