Hunt perfects ‘shit pizza’ technique

HEALTH secretary Jeremy Hunt has developed a new technique for burying catastrophic news with disastrous opinions.

Hunt has adapted the ‘criticism sandwich’, used by dreary managers to bury critiques of inconsequential workers during inane personal development meetings, to create a two-tier approach in which both sections are utterly unappetising.

According to Hunt the ‘shit pizza’ can have a variety of awful toppings which, when scraped away, reveal something equally vile underneath.

He  said: “I like to combine a thin, crispy base of removing palliative care for the elderly covered with a generous topping of basically calling for abortion to be banned.

“I’m currently working on reducing the number of out-of-hours GPs to three, combined with one of my deliciously gooey endorsements of homeopathy.”

Chancellor George Osborne, a huge admirer of Hunts, has also adopted the technique by ruling out a tax on the massive houses of those who caused the economic collapse, while simultaneously taking another £10bn away from poor people who cannot get jobs.

A Treasury spokesman said: “We’re trying to create a quattro formaggio by adding some new way of destroying what’s left of the pensions industry and a tax on cheese.”



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Angry stag mistook man for Kay Burley

AN ANGRY stag chased a man up a tree because he thought it was Sky’s Kay Burley.

The animal charged at the terrified pedestrian in a West London park but stopped as soon as he noticed the man was not trying to interview him.

The stag, Roy Hobbs, apologised to his victim, adding: “Kay Burley, red mist, totally my fault.”

Hobbs stressed his reaction had little to do with Burley’s latest grotesque invasion of private grief, insisting he was still furious about ‘that pathetic fucking Gordon Brown interview from the last election’.