Brad Pitt had testicles removed seven years ago

BRAD Pitt has revealed he had his testicles surgically removed seven years ago.

Writing in the New York Times, Pitt said he made the decision after realising he was going to lose them anyway.

The superstar actor and partner of Angelina Jolie said: “We met with a specialist who told us that because of a genetic predisposition there was a 98% chance that Anji would slowly take my testicles.

“I was shocked at first but then I looked into her amazing, terrifying eyes and realised it was completely inevitable.

“Since I met her my friends had been telling me that an Angelina Jolie-based lifestyle could cost me my testicles, but I was young and I thought, ‘this won’t happen to me’.”

Pitt added: “Anji has been the most amazing partner through all of this. She held my hand and whispered in my ear as the surgeons carefully chopped off my gonads.

“She now keeps them in a jar in a special room in the basement of one of our houses. I don’t know which one.”

Pitt revealed that the testicles can still produce sperm whenever Jolie decides she wants a baby.

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

International Space Station basically a floating student house

THE International Space Station is a dirty, smelly mess, it has emerged.

Video clips of astronaut Chris Hadfield playing Bowie songs and doing trippy stuff prompted a Russian team to go and see what exactly was going on up there.

They arrived to find the station’s inner walls to be plastered with posters of Bob Marley, Tupac and ‘Magic Eye’ images where there is a hidden 3D dolphin.

Captain Ivan Abramov said: “They were lying around on the ceiling, arguing about who was going to rehydrate the sachets of powdered tea drink.

“The television was on with the sound turned down while Chris Hadfield did Pink Floyd covers on his guitar. The others kept saying how talented he was and how he could totally do an album but that’s actually nonsense.

“There was a pervasive odour of cannabis and important technical manuals had been torn up for so-called ‘roach material’. Also there was dirty washing up floating around everywhere, truly disgusting.”

“You should have heard their conversations, they were going ‘When we get back to Earth we should abolish money because actually we’re all citizens of the universe’.

“I was like, ‘Well if you want to be penniless I can get NASA to send you a massive cleaning bill’ and they all looked at the floor.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies explained: “Leaving Earth is psychologically similar to going to university. There are no partners, parents or bosses telling you what to do so you just get high and watch loads of Luc Besson films.”

Next story ›