Increase in CO2 dismissed by CO2 deniers

RECORD levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere have been dismissed by people who do not believe the gas exists.

Experts said that scientists had a ‘shameful history’ of manipulating the International Arctic Gas Detector to mislead governments into pursuing pro-CO2 existence policies.

Nathan Muir, a fourth year blogger at Delingpole University, said: “If carbon dioxide really does exist then why did it rain for two hours on Sunday afternoon?

“Isn’t it more likely that in 1997, when the scientists realised that it hadn’t rained for two hours, they were forced to come up with the theory of ‘CO2’ being this magical ‘thing’ that comes out of other ‘things’.

“I do not ‘breathe out’. And neither do you.”

Muir added: “Also, why did the Arctic Gas Detector show CO2 levels of 400 parts per million. That seems like a very random number.

“For instance, why isn’t it 15 parts per 40? Or seven parts per 32? Why is it always hundreds and millions?

“To scare you, that’s why.”

But Martin Bishop, who has been reading stuff on the internet all morning, said: “I am not a 100% sceptic. I believe that science can, occasionally, be correct.

“For instance, I believe there is ‘C’ and to a lesser extent some ‘O’, but the idea that ‘C’ and ‘O’ have somehow ‘fused together’ is clearly a Marxist ploy.

“If it isn’t then why do I have no idea what ‘C’ and ‘O’ stand for?”

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UK to leave whatever it joins after leaving EU

SENIOR Tories have backed a referendum on Britain leaving whatever international set-up it joins after quitting the European Union.

Iain Duncan Smith said Britain should have the same relationship with the EU as Norway and Switzerland and then realise that being the same as the Norwegians and the Swiss is a bureaucratic nightmare.

He added: “Once we have freed ourselves from the suffocating relationship with Oslo and Berne I would hope that we would look to North America. And then accept that Americans are nice people but they do things very differently.

“I believe that our post-American future lies with China and India until they inevitably seek to subvert our democracy and ride roughshod over our institutions.

“When will this country realise that it is to Brazil and Uruguay that we must turn? And when will Brazil and Uruguay understand that Britain cannot be shackled by their meddling technocrats?

“Meanwhile, pro-Antarcticans will point to the fact that it’s our 184th largest trading partner while conveniently ignoring the potential for British exports to the Moon. Unfortunately our Moon efforts will be thwarted by the Moon Court.”

Duncan Smith said he wants a ‘clear timetable’ setting out Britain’s departure from Nato, the UN, the WTO and the International Table Tennis Federation.