WOULD it be wrong to use blood harvested from the late Sam Neill to create an entire island of cloned Sam Neills as a tourist attraction? We debate:
For: Sam Neill was so lovely and nice
Why should Sam Neill’s fabled kindness and gentle humour, so celebrated by his colleagues and on social media, be allowed to disappear? When modern science can replicate him and populate an empty New Zealand island with hundreds of him, chuckling wryly and making wine?
Against: We know little of Sam Neill in his youth
The picture we have of Sam Neill is as an older man, from his Navy Captain in Dead Calm to his gruff settler in The Piano. We cannot know what he was like when younger without watching low-quality Kiwi cinema, so should not assume he was benign. He may have been territorial and prone to outbursts of violence.
For: One Sam Neill was wonderful, so hundreds would be even better
By failing to act we are depriving future generations of the blessing that was Sam Neill when they could have not one, but many. A cornucopia of Neills, each with an avuncular twinkle in their eye, time for children, amusing anecdotes about Nicole Kidman and homespun wisdom to share. What a marvellous tourist attraction.
Against: Sam Neill may begin to exhibit pack behaviour
A multiplicity of Neills may not behave as we would expect a single Neill to. United by their common goals, we risk them forming packs and hunting down visitors to their island. At first only regaling them with self-deprecating stories of being on set with Elle Macpherson, but later turning to pranks, disembowelling and feeding on carrion.
For: Sam Neill could make more films
Doesn’t the world deserve more Sam Neill magic? More moments like those in The Dish, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, Event Horizon and the upcoming Godzilla x Kong: Supernova? With an entire island of Neills, they could fly off to shoot movies and still be present to hand out vintages from their own vineyards to delighted tourists.
Against: Sam Neill could break containment
Deep in the jungle, Sam Neill could find a way of breeding. Hidden from monitoring, thousands of Sam Neills could evade security measures, escape the island and infiltrate society. By their effortless superiority to any other father, grandfather or leader out there, they would take over the world. But would that be so bad? Not on the evidence.
