A man who emerged from the bathroom ready for intercourse is pretending he did not wash his horrible knob in his girlfriend’s lovely sink.

Worried that the disgusting truth will ruin his chances of getting his end away, Tom Logan is vehemently denying that he just gave his penis a quick scrub with his partner’s Imperial Leather.

He said: “I don’t like to lie, but what would she prefer? That my dick smelt like some dank old Camembert? I highly doubt it.

“Besides, that’s what soaps and sinks are for, cleaning things. It just so happens that on this occasion they were cleaning the helmet under my foreskin. She should be grateful really, that I’m so hygienic.

“It’s weird that she’s making a big deal about it. Everyone knows that ‘freshening up’ is a euphemism for ‘I’m going to clean my genitals because hopefully you’ll put them in your mouth.’ Spelling that out would spoil the sexual tension.

“I even dried my cock on her fresh, fluffy hand towels so it wouldn’t drip all over her bed. You can’t win with some people.”

Logan’s girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “This isn’t the first time he’s lied about his penis. Six inches, my arse.”