Ireland accused of blasphemy for questioning Stephen Fry

STEPHEN Fry’s omniscience has been controversially called into question by Ireland.

Fry, who is worshipped by millions worldwide, was described by Irish authorities as ‘capricious and haughty’.

A police spokesman said: “While Mr Fry may appear all-knowing to devoted BBC4 fans, he would be nothing without an army of producers feeding him weird facts about trigonometry and crisps.”

But Fry’s supporters have hit back, accusing Ireland of violating the fundamental law that Fry must be agreed with at all times.

Tom Booker, from Lambeth, said: “Stephen Fry is Oscar Wilde reincarnate and my faith in him is unshakable and pure.

“We are truly blessed to share his planet and anyone who disagrees should be thrown into a volcano.”

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Huge relief after only 11 million people vote for a fascist

THERE was huge relief today after just 11 million people in Europe’s second biggest country voted for a neo-Nazi crackpot.

Ecstatic EU leaders said everything would be absolutely fine forever and that receiving just under two-fifths of the vote is actually next to nothing when you think about it.

Swigging from a bottle of cognac, EU commission president Jean Claude Juncker said: “This vindicates everything I have ever said or done. I win, the EU is perfect and everyone has to shut up now.”

New French president Emmanuel Macron told jubilant supporters at the Louvre: “I look like I should be in an advert for aftershave, which means that nothing can possibly go wrong.”

Meanwhile, defeated fascist Marine Le Pen danced the night away to 80s disco tunes while wearing a massive grin after realising this was absolutely, definitely the last we will ever hear of her.