Husband asked if he ‘would like to do the dishes’ thinks it's a question

A HUSBAND has been made an offer he could technically refuse but will not if he actually thinks about it.

Eleanor Bishop, 31, has been watching the dishes gradually pile up in the sink over the past four days and making half-jokes in the hope that husband Martin do something about it.

Speaking through gritted teeth she said: “I’m not saying he has to do them, but if he would like to do them, that would be really nice.

“I mean they’re halfway to the ceiling, and it’s not like we’re entering our sink into the Turner Prize is it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.”

Martin Bishop added: “I suppose I should probably get those done.

“Come  to think of it, my friend’s  wife said the same when she gave him the option and that’s how he lost an eye.”

Mrs Bishop added: “Now that you’re ‘on a roll’, perhaps you’d also like to empty the bins?”

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Woman unveils plan to lose her shit in Primark

A WOMAN has outlined her plans to really lose her shit with people when trying to get out of Primark this weekend.

Nikki Hollis told friends and family that she would force herself to go into the store to pick up some cheap essentials before totally losing it in the throng of idiots who are just getting in her fucking way.

Hollis said: “I am pleased to announce that I am going to go apeshit, probably with a group of teenagers, or perhaps an elderly couple.

“Or most likely it will be a woman with a pram blocking me in an aisle, or ramming it at my ankles.

“I’ll be sorry for it afterwards, but yes, I am definitely going to lose my shit on them.”

Pram-wielding idiot, Emma Bradford, added: “I am very much looking forward to being a part of this.”