Life Under Mugabe Better Than Life Under Harry, Says Chelsy

FORMER Royal girlfriend Chelsy Davy is to return to Zimbabwe rather than spend another minute underneath Prince Harry, friends said last night.

I am very much looking forward to stealing her things, said President Mugabe

Miss Davy opted for life in the world's leading hell-hole after one final session at Boujis watching the Prince drink champagne while talking about how he would much rather be in Afghanistan, before being chauffered back to his gigantic palace.

A source close to Miss Davy said: "According to several international studies, Zimbabwe is the worst country in the world. Inflation is two million percent and the whole place smells like an old cat and is run by an 83 year-old psychopath. 

"Most people would rather die than live there. But I'll bet you 500 billion Zimbabwean Dollars that those people haven't woken up next to Prince Harry."

The source added: "Chelsy would rather live without electricity, clean water and proper sanitation than have that grunting, beer-sodden lout bearing down on her four times a week.

"And it's not just the drunken, equestrian-themed sex. There were all those awful weekends at Highgrove where Harry would go around shooting peacocks and Charles and Camilla would dress up as Grenadier Guards and ride each other around the drawing room."

Miss Davy, who had just begun a four year course in handbags at Leeds University, will now spend her days skinning antelopes, bribing the police and defending the family farm from President Mugabe's army of bloodthirsty madmen.