THE white matter visible in Lily Allen's left nostril in a recent paparazzi photograph is a tiny snowman made by a family of gnomes who live up her nose, it was claimed last night.
A spokeswoman for the singer's PR company said the inside of Allen's nose is a self-contained magical world, like Narnia or the place in the Faraway Tree, which is home to a group of tiny gnomes called the Boggle Yips.
"Currently it is winter in the land of Lily's nose," she said, "and the little people, full of gnomish glee, have made a man out of snow. However, despite their small size they're quite clumsy with their hands and thus it turned out looking more like a medium-sized gak bogey.
"Despite having dabbled in the past, Lily is now resolutely anti-drugs, as are the Boggle Yips, who live in a quaint scale model of a cosy log cabin perched on top of her septum, where they mostly sit around a roaring fire drinking egg nog."
The spokeswoman said Allen was not the first of their celebrity clients to carry nostril-dwelling fantasy creatures whose mischievous activities can erroneously create the impression that they have just done a big line of beak.
She added: "Kate Moss has a couple of tiny white ponies running around up her nose. They are called Judy and Excalibur.
"Although Kate has long since turned her back on drugs, one of the ponies will occasionally poke its head out of her nostril in the hope that someone might give it a microscopic sugar cube. This happened recently when she was photographed coming out of the toilets at a fashion industry awards event.'
"To the untrained eye the tiny pure-white magical horse looks like a speck of semi-inhaled chop attached to a nasal hair. I bet it would be horrified if it knew.