Friday, 4th December 2020

Queen to be put back on fixing trucks

THE QUEEN is to return to work as a truck mechanic as she did during the war, Buckingham Palace has confirmed.

After her Majesty offered to do anything she could to help the battle against coronavirus, she has been ordered to get back in her wartime overalls and report to her old garage in Camberley, Surrey.

She said: “One admits one wasn’t expecting it, but it feels good to get one’s hands dirty again, know what one means?

“That one’s done, Gav. I’ve aligned the wheels. No, the Volvo not the Scania. The other way, you f**king muppet. Jesus. Sorry, can’t take one’s eye off that idiot Gav for a minute or he’ll balls something up.

“Like one was saying, the old skills never leave you. Vehicles have changed a bit but it’s still all about a pot of grease and a bloody big spanner at the end of the day.

“Is that Volvo driver giving you lip? Charge him for three new shocks and tell him to sling his hook. They haven’t been done, but the fat bastard had a picture of Meghan up in his cab.”