Tuesday, 7th July 2020

'Sex Royal': Six alternative brands for Harry and Meghan

THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex have been barred from using their Sussex Royal trademark by the Queen. What brands could they use instead?

Sussex Royale
As Burger King discovered years ago, add an ‘e’ at the end and Buckingham Palace can’t touch you. And Americans, surely the target market for the couple, will think it even classier.

Sussex Rebel
In preparation for Harry’s new image as a bad boy prepared to break the rules if it means getting results. Will look fantastic on a limited edition range of Harley-Davidsons.

King in Exile
Want to give the Firm both barrels for kicking you out? The King in Exile brand has a deliciously rebellious feel, a long tradition of use and makes a marvellous name for an aftershave. May be contested by David Beckham.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge
Copyright it, trademark it, licence it to Primark. Just to see precious Wills and oh-so-perfect Kate besmirch themselves with the legal battle.

Original Tudors
Remind your family that they’re nothing but usurpers on the English throne by reclaiming and relaunching the long-defunct brand of Henry VIII.

Sex Royal
Do you want to know what we’re going to do with this one, Granny? Or would you like to give us both our HRHs back?