Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan


THERESA May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

The prime minister telephoned the latest royal bride to say it was ‘probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her’.

A Downing Street source said: “It’s so good having all these stories about wedding bullshit while we continue to fuck everything into a cocked hat.

“When all you can do is get up in the morning and lay waste to everything you set eyes on, knowing that someone else will be dominating the news really takes the pressure off.”

The source added: “If anything we’ll be able to really crank up this shit factory.”

Mrs May said: “We must all now unite behind the great national project of ensuring that Prince Harry and the lovely Meghan have the finest wedding in the history of the world.

“Everything else is completely irrelevant.”