These baby photos are very poor, do them again, says Britain

THE Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have been told to do new photos of Prince George because the first lot are dreadful.

The couple released photos taken by the Duchess’s father to create a ‘more intimate, family feel’ but have now been assured that it was an appalling idea and someone should be sacked.

Helen Archer, from Stevenage, said: “They must think we have incredibly low standards and will put up with any old crap that is thrown our way.

“I don’t know what we did to make them think they could get away with something this shoddy.”

Bill McKay, from Doncaster, said: “If this is their idea of an official photograph then I’m starting to question the whole idea of monarchy.

“I’m sure they think they are being modern and relaxed, but in actual fact they are being unprofessional.

“If they want us to believe that being royal is a ‘job’ then they do need to actually do it. This is amateur hour and I’m having none of it.”

He added: “And if I find out they are raising this child without an army of nannies I will be absolutely livid.”

Nikki Hollis, from Hatfield, said: “I pay good money for the Royal Family and the deal includes professional photography. Not this compact, point-and-shoot dog vomit.

“Do it again, you incompetent arsewits.”

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Car alarm sound not associated with car being stolen

EVERYONE assumes car alarms are just going off for no reason, it has emerged.

The Institute for Studies found that the standard response to the sound of a car alarm was to remain in bed while hoping that it doesn’t go on all night.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “You can basically go and steal any car you want, no one will even bother to look out of the window.

“Even the owner will just be like ‘oh it’s just my car alarm going off, probably it’ll stop after a bit’.”

36-year-old Tom Logan said: “It’s not a nice noise which is why I was quite glad when, after fifteen minutes of electronic bleating, some teenagers finally managed to drive my car off.

“Even now I’m not sure if the alarm was going off because my car was being nicked, or whether the theft just happened to coincide with one of its regular malfunctions.

“Probably the latter.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “When I hear a car alarm on my street, my first thought is ‘fuck I’d better close the window’.

“Then I feel a creeping sense of resentment towards the owner.

“Same with burglar alarms and fire alarms. I’ll get up to have a look at if I hear a police helicopter though, because helicopters are cool.”