Vlogger puzzled by how she makes money from this crap

A VIDEO blogger is baffled by how she makes large sums of money from her trivial and amateurish YouTube videos.

Internet personality Nikki Hollis has revealed she hates humanity after becoming rich by holding up products in front of a webcam in her bedroom while sounding like a cretin.

Hollis said: “Why would anyone buy a vastly overpriced salad spinner because some twat on the internet says her cat thinks it’s cool? None of this makes sense.

“Even if the thinly-veiled selling in my videos doesn’t put you off, you’d think people would get sick of the lousy sound quality and hellish catchphrases like ‘mucho-mega-tastic.’

“Recently I featured some piece-of-shit gadget that clips two iPhones together for no reason and 48 hours later Amazon had sold out.

“It is fucked up.”

Fan Emma Bradford said: “I think of Nikki as a friend, a really close friend who sells you things you don’t want in a slightly devious way.”

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Supermarkets working together to hide the eggs

THE ‘big four’ supermarkets have met to discuss new and ingenious ways to hide eggs from customers.

Tesco, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and Asda held their biannual Egg Hiding Summit yesterday amid growing concern that customers are not only managing to locate eggs within less than two hours, but are actually buying them.

Tesco CEO Joseph Turner said: “Normally we’re in fierce competition, but some things are too important to fight about.

“No matter how big or varied our businesses are, we all got into the grocery trade for the same reason; to do everything in our power to stop the public getting their hands on eggs.

“One day they’re in a shadowy alcove by the meat counter, the next they’ve been slipped next to the bread so deftly you can pass by them six times and never notice they’re there.

“New strategies include having them behind the cigarette counter, placing each different egg brand on a different shelf on a different aisle or simply putting them on the roof.

“Together, we will eradicate eggs from the face of British retail.”