What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, says BA

IF YOU remember a plane catching fire in Las Vegas then you were not there, British Airways has insisted.

Amid claims a London-bound Boeing 777 suffered an engine fire on the runway, a BA spokesman deflected questions by invoking the Vegas Protocol.

He said: “Fire? If you say so. But I’m not discussing that with anybody who wasn’t in that cockpit. It’s a solemn cabin crew code, as old as time itself.”

“Maybe we were playing around with some confiscated lighters and some mezcal, maybe we weren’t. Maybe a massive fireball engulfed the plane, maybe it didn’t.

“If anything did actually happen, then whatever it was, let’s put it behind us.”

Passenger Tom Booker said: “As we were boarding, I overheard a group of people in BA uniforms asking some strippers if they wanted to see something cool.”

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Apple unveils middle-aged man in jeans

TECH giant Apple has met with a mixed response after unveiling a grey-haired man in a pair of jeans.

The corporation’s latest take on middle-aged manhood prompted a muted reaction from critics, who described it as ‘too similar to other men in an already crowded marketplace’ and ‘less characterful than the classic black polo neck version’.

Technology blogger Mary Fisher said: “Outwardly it is quite similar to last year’s Apple Man, but with subtle enhancements like extra thigh girth that suggests it does a bit of cycling.

“They’re also introduced enhanced glasses for better eyesight and a slicker, more streamlined haircut.

“The real talking point though is the jeans, which are of a dark denim construction and possibly from Gap.

“We know Apple likes jeans on its men but a lot of people were hoping for chinos or Dockers-style cargo pants with a looser, more flattering construction. Maybe next time.”

Apple fan Tom Booker said: “I never thought I would desperately want a grey-haired man with a side parting, but anything that Apple puts out I instantly desire.

“I’m fine with the jeans, it’s a classic casual look so why change it? However they should do another version with the shirt untucked, I would buy both.”